Building my Baby

a blog following me through the ups, downs, joys and woes of pregnancy.

Its been a while… November 20, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings,Updates — shinkmama @ 10:09 pm

since my last post. Lots has gone on, with my hyperemesis still ruling my life. I was admitted into the ER at one point before my scheduled doctor visit on November 11th, given medicine to stop my vomiting and IV fluids because I am always dehydrated. When the 11th finally came, I found out I was meeting with yet another doctor I hadn’t met before.. Jim and Linda went with me and we were all thrilled to see the baby on the ultrasound, waving and kickin like crazy πŸ™‚ The tech told us she couldnt see anymore bleeds in my uterus and that the baby’s heartbeat was a strong 176. I know its just an old wives tale, but that high of a heartbeat was the first time I considered the possibility that this could be a girl haha. Well, after the ultrasound, we finally met the new doctor and she went over a few things with us.

Here are a few pictures from the ultrasound πŸ™‚

First of all, she told me that even though I started this pregnancy off at 121 lbs and now weight 108 lbs, the fact that I cant eat or drink anything unless I want it coming back up and even though I am giving myself black eyes and going crazy trying to keep myself and baby healthy that at-home care was still unnecessary. She said the risks of a PICC line outweighed the benefits it could provide to me….benefits like nutrients to me and my unborn child, hydration when I most definitely always need it and saving my veins from becoming a horrendously torn apart mess. I was so distraught, how could she not want to help me?! She did finally suggest that I go into the hospital three times a week for IV treatments. Thats great, but what about the other four days I am sick!?

Secondly, the doctor vaguely explained something about fetal nuchal translucency.Β  She said that in the weeks 11-14 you can get the baby scanned to check for downs and turners syndrome and suggested that already being high risk that we schedule a date get that done. We did with Riley as well, I mean, it would just be nice to know and prepare in case something were to be different. Jim and I discussed what would happen ifΒ  something were to be wrong and there is no doubt in our minds that we wouldnt love and cherish our child. Losing a child was the hardest thing in the entire world…taking care of a child that needed more attention would be a BLESSING compared to what could happen. We both truly feel like God is taking care of us and our little angle is keeping a close eye as well.

The doctor wanted me to go over to the hospital and have labs drawn. I was only done doing that for five minutes when that doctor called me back and said that they have a room for me at St. Lukes, that I would have to be hospitalized. I was really upset, I hate staying at the hospital. It directly goes back to why the hell should I not be allowed home care if I am constantly in the ER or being hospitalized?! When I got to the hospital, I was poked 5 times before they got a good vein and even that one had to be moved after that vein exploded. Unfortunately, the OBGYN Associates doctors work on call at St. Luke’s so when they would want to do anything for me, they would ask them…UGH!!! I was in so much pain and utter frustration that I couldnt help but discharge myself as soon as everything was manageable from home.Β  The picture below shows the after math of what my poor forearm had to take. THAT IS FROM IV’s!!!! DO I STILL NOT NEED A PICC?!

I saw YET ANOTHER doctor on the 18th who told me that she has a “proven cure” for hyperemesis. I just about laughed in her face when she told me that all there was to it was keeping your stomach full at all times, not drinking water, taking the same medicine that is already failing me and ginger?!?! HOLY SHIT, did that doctor just sound like she was the most uninformed person in the world. If she knew ANYTHING about hyperemesis, she would know that it is impossible for me to have my stomach full at ANY time, let alone all the time. She’s know that ginger makes me gag and brings on my sickness because that is a trigger for my gagging…people can have different triggers and I just seem to have all of em. I’m just so freaking sick of people thinking that this is morning sickness or that it will let up or go away eventually. I pray for that everyday but it is not going to happen until I pop this kid out! So that appointment was nearly pointless, except to find out that I have kept on a steady 108 lbs for a week now and I did get to hear that heartbeat again πŸ™‚ 170, still high and strong and music to mommy’s ears πŸ™‚ I am so in love with you, little bug.

 

I have a weight check and nurse visit next week right before the holidays and then I see the new doctor on the 30th!!!!!!!!! I am beyond ecstatic to see the Hughes’, I really just have such high expectations for them. Hopefully between now and then I can gain a pound or fifteen haha I do have two Thanksgiving dinners to go to so it could happen!! πŸ™‚

 

 

Unemployed November 2, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings,Updates — shinkmama @ 7:38 am

Well, I guess we all knew this was coming sooner than later. How could I keep my job and never go? I’m not as upset as I thought I would be being “unemployed” but I am rather upset to be leaving it all on Jim. I know, I know…We have made it before and he wont mind, he doesnt mind. That doesnt mean that I dont feel some guilt. I will be working on my photography and school more frequently now though, and both of those can bring me in some income if I just DO IT!!! I am happy to not have to struggle into work anymore. I can relax, take the time that I always need to get well during the day and take care of my little Bugger.

I called my general practitioner today and had her send over a referral to a high risk doctor named Juliet Hughes. I have heard wonderful wonderful things about this woman and her husband (who run an OB/GYN together) and cannot wait until she is in charge of what goes on for me and Bug. I know she will take care of us and make me feel comfortable when I am scared. Unlike the doctors that I currently have, who have never really been there for me. My current OB, who I wont name only so she isnt thoroughly embarrassed if she ever comes across this, is horrible. The entire practice treats you like a number and if you arent through the line quickly enough then your number is pushed back.

With my last pregnancy, my doctor didnt even deliver Riley. All the medical personnel who was supposed to be there decided that the on-call staff could handle me since it wanst a live birth, I guess. No one discussed options with me, no one was compassionate about my wants for the birth and it seemed like hardly any one cared that I was at the deepest part of hell I could get find. This pregnancy, they have given me little reason to believe that they ever cared at all. They do not care to comfort me, never did really. Sure, I am getting alright care, but only because I am absolutely demanding it this time. I have shown up for nearly every appointment only to have to wait forever, be quickly passed through the office and then out the door with questions that I forgot to ask…..

And God FORBID that you have to call the after hours emergency line!! Oh, God, was that a mistake. I have been calling the pharmacy and my doctor back and forth, back and forth, BACK AND FORTH trying to get my medication to go through! The damned doctors kept forgetting to send in a complete pre-authorization and now apparently my freaking insurance has to accept it still, which could take days. I am just so frustrated that they didnt do it right the first time, so I have to suffer. Well, I decide to call the after hours line to see what I should do (meaning, do I go into the ER or just drink a bunch of water, because I AM dehydrated) and the doctor got super pissy telling me this line was for emergencies!!! I started balling and yelling really, before I just hung up. I really hope that this will just all be fixed when I finally see Juliet. Well, I guess its about time to hit the hay….I will update more when I am not falling asleep at the keys πŸ™‚

 

ggrrrrrrrooowll (says my tummy) November 1, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings — shinkmama @ 6:00 am
Tags:

I have never wanted a McDouble or Big Mac as badly as I do right now 😦 That is all I would like to say.

 

Breaking Down.. October 31, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings — shinkmama @ 7:30 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I am so miserable. I feel like absolute hell 99% of the time and would not have any reason to be thankful for it if I didnt have a little bean growing inside me. I think “bug” is a better name for this baby, though, since that is exactly like what I have haha; a stomach bug. The mornings are horrible, I puke and puke and puke until the afternoon and then have a lot of episodes after sporadically until I go to bed and start the sad cycle over again the next morning. I feel like I am unable to do even the most simple tasks anymore and I feel completely inadequate as far as “bringin in the bacon” is concerned.

Work has been hard. I havent been able to stay for a full shift in a while, which is an issue for a number of reasons. My manager has assured me that my job is not in jeopardy, but how could it not be with all of the issues that seem to be coming up? I dread being unemployed, but as of now, it seems like only a matter of time before that is exactly where I am. It would be nice to relax and just worry about staying healthy, but having to rely solely on Jim’s income to survive seems selfish to me, I wouldnt want to put him through that. UGHHH!! My mind is just so conflicted.

Last night, I had the biggest meltdown ever. I cried until I was sick again and dont remember stopping before I fell asleep again. I’m just so stressed, about every single thing that I could be stressing about. I just want to feel GOOD! I want my online classes to be as easy as can be so that I can complete it all on time. I want to go see my daddy, I miss him terribly!! But there is NO way I could ever manage that right now, being as sick as I am. I miss him so much. I miss Riley too. So much that it hurts. I cried so many tears for her last night, among everything else. I just feel like I am always going to be missing such a huge chunk of my heart, no one could EVER fill the void that Riley left. I am so stressed about work that I cry every time I think about it, I want to go so badly but I just CANT!!!! Everything just hit me so hard, I just wish that my life could speed up a bit so a few of my problems will pass.

I feel like my life is at a stand still right now and I am not sure how long I can hang in there with everything..I dont know how long I can stay sane without having this baby HERE. There is NO guarantee to myself or anyone else that a whole pregnancy will go on to produce a healthy viable child. I keep catching myself saying “if everything goes ok” and other things that hurt just to say, let alone believe in. There is just no way to say that this is going to be “WORTH IT” yet, as fucking horrible as that is for me to say! I love this little Bug so much already, so it will be worth it no matter what…my pessimism is just keeping me from being too disappointed if I ever have to go through the unimaginable again 😦

 

one step forward, a couple back. October 27, 2010

I had an appointment at eleven today that turned out being my first “real REAL” OB appointment. My blood pressure was somewhere around 110/65 and I learned I had lost 2 lbs since last week…not too huge of a deal and not surprising at all considering how my days have been going. We filled out a lot of paper work and signed consent for the downs and spina-bifida testing and they gave me a pack of similac bottles and a pregnancy day planner to keep track of my appointments.

The ultrasound was awesome. I love it when the technicians explain what you are looking at and tell you what they are doing…I want to know EVERYTHING and this tech was more than compliant. She told me the baby was measuring at 7 weeks 5 days and that the heart rate was a strong 154! We even got to hear the heartbeat through transvaginal ultrasound, it was quite amazing. She told me that she believes I ovulated off of my left ovary, which just amazes me really. I just cant believe you could know all of that from an U/S. The tech did notice some “bleeds” below and beside the baby. She said that it will either go away within the next couple of weeks, or it will cause me to miscarry, but there isnt anything that they can do for it. This most likely explains the bleeding I experienced last week.

Neither the U/S tech nor my doctor seemed concerned about the findings, only told me to take it easy and to report any bleeding or heavy cramping immediately. It scares me because of the small little risk of loss, I mean, I have been apart of that small percentile before. I have been that small statistic that causes fear in every mother out there. I want to be so positive and get as excited as I already want to be for this baby! I love it so very much, I’m just not ready for another loss. I guess a summary of today’s appointment is this: the baby is doing great πŸ™‚ we are keeping a close eye on it and I will be going back in on November 11th for another ultrasound and appointment. Hopefully all cases of bleeding have ceased so that I can focus on being sick as hell all the time haha.

My doctor prescribed me some zofran again, but it didnt help in the slightest with Riley. I am hoping that it will work this time or that by 14-16 weeks that the constant nausea and vomiting will ease up like it does for most “normal” women. I want to be “normal.” I need to go buy a case of otter pops and jolly ranchers to help a bit πŸ™‚ Here are a few photos from today!

My lovely little bug, 7 weeks 5 days

Building my Baby-Week 7

 

Hello World! October 26, 2010

Hello! As most of you know, my name is Chelsea. I am married to the love of my life, Jim, and together we’re expecting our second child. Our first daughter, Riley Virginia, was born into Heaven on August 21st, 2009. Everyone touched by Riley’s presence misses her dearly and we’re all excited that Jim and I have another chance at becoming the parents we dreamed of being.

This little bean has already caused A LOT of gray hair for our family; much worth it, of course, but I do feel as if I deserve an easier pregnancy this time ’round. On October 1st, 2o1o, I admitted myself into the ER thinking that my gallbladder had exploded. I found out that there was no issue with that, however, I was pregnant again! The doctors were afraid it was an ectopic pregnancy because of the pain and since we couldnt see anything on an ultrasound yet, I thought my worst nightmare was replaying itself. My HCG count was 338 and I was told to come back in a couple days for additional testing.

On October 3rd, I was again admitted to the ER for cramping. HCG was 900, but the blank screen on the U/S was very discouraging. My left ovary looked as though it might have a cyst on it as well, grreeeat. October 4th HCG 1285, the 5th HCG 1746, the 7th 3152 and on the 8th my current doctor told me that she was not worried that it was ectopic any longer! She said everything looked great and that we should be able to see something on the U/S by my next appointment. On October 12th, Jim and I got to see that little miracle through ultrasound! I was so excited I cried…but I’m likely to be like that every time, I’m sure. All we saw was the gestational sac and yolk sac as well as the start of the pole. By next week, we should see a heartbeat!!!

On October 18th, I was at work when i stood up and felt a gush “down there.” I rushed to the bathroom to see a ton of bright red blood all over and it just kept coming and coming…I immediately left and went to the ER. I was there for nearly four hours without anything really happening, it seemed. They took my HCG levels (they were 57,647 today from 3,152 on the 7th) and gave me a pelvic exam and told me that my cervix is closed. I was also given a rogham shot since my blood is negative. When I left, I was still having some moderate bleeding but it was slowing down a lot…no pain or anything, which would be a little uncommon for a miscarriage. I had an appointment and ultrasound that next day and we got to see the heartbeat! It was flickering away at 128 bpm and measuring atΒ  5 weeks 4 days.

That brings us to today! Everything seems to be going great except for my horrendous case of hyperemesis gravidarum that I’ve been so unfortunate to get again. I really hope that when I switch to a high risk doctor that she will be able to figure something out for me, because living like this is absolutely miserable. Well, I hope this looong first post didnt bore too many people away. Thanks for reading folks!

My lovely bug, 5 weeks 3 days

Building my Baby-Week 6