I had my second appointment with my new OB today. It went less than satisfactory, to say the least. We got in more quickly than ever but as soon as I started addressing the numerous things I was concerned about, I realized that everything is “normal.” Everything apparently. This insane cramping is the only thing that worries me, no matter how much water I drink or how comfortable I make myself, they are still there. I UNDERSTAND that cramping is normal in pregnancy, but I am in pain and would like reassurance that everything is OK. I need more than “its normal” because I do not see other people doubling over like this without getting more than flimsy verbal answers. Everything else that I mentioned he brushed off as perfectly fine too, which only upset me because I really though this guy was going to be different. I thought he was going to make me feel like he cares about me and my baby and our well being! well, my well being is on a downward spiral when I’m nervous on top of stressed…I just fee like I keep getting kicked when I’m down.
My doctor also wouldnt sign off on a paper explaining my sickness and the fact that I am unable to work as of now. I WANT to work, I mean, I feel so inadequate all the time because I’m not helping provide for my family right now and it just makes me sick. IM SICK OF BEING SO FUCKING SICK!! He said since I’m not on bed rest or to stay off of my feet because of preterm labor that he cant. It just broke me in half when he said that! We dont qualify for ANY assistance even though I am pregnant, unemployed and living off of one income all because I go to school full time…all because I am trying to better my future! If we want to be able to qualify for anything, I would either have to drop out of school or get a full time job….#@I%Y!! IF I HAD A FULL TIME JOB, WE WOULDNT NEED HELP AND WE STILL WOULDNT QUALIFY! lol I seriously dont fucking get it! How the hell can EVERYONE get assistance at the drop of a hat, even those who dont need it or arent trying to help themselves in any way.. us though, we work our asses off to better our futures and get denied for help when we only need it through these hard times! I just hate fucking everything right now. I dont know what to do sometimes and all of this is so overwhelming….I wish I could just run far far away for a while.
I guess I’ll wrap up this pity party (and foul language, my bad lol) and give you some good news, that the baby’s heartbeat was strong in the 160’s and I even gained 4 pounds! I am still under my prepregnancy weight but I am happy to be on the right track back up…I am scared to death to see what happens when I run out of pills since my preauthorization STILL hasnt went through, but apparently doctor douche is working on that so we’ll see.. Oh and our princess finally has a name, Olivia Mae 🙂 my little Olive.
Thanks for following 🙂