Building my Baby

a blog following me through the ups, downs, joys and woes of pregnancy.

New Doctor November 30, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings,Updates — shinkmama @ 11:26 pm

I had my appointment early this morning with Dustin Hughes. We got there a bit early, just excited to see someone who is going to listen to me finally. Well, turns out this is an extremely busy little practice and with only two doctors, my scheduled time ended up being more of a wait then I would have liked. It wasnt that bad, not nearly as long of a wait as the last place…and once I was back everything went pretty quickly. I was given a urine sample and then Jim and I discussed my last pregnancy and more about Riley with the nurse. I love when people, knowing that Riley is gone, make the initiative to talk about her. It makes me feel like they arent uncomfortable and immediately helps me to open up. We talked about why I made the switch from my last OB while she took my blood pressure (which was fine πŸ™‚ ) and then she was off to get the doctor.

The doctor returned shortly after she left. He let me say everything that I wanted to say about everything: why I made my switch, my previous loss, my needs and wants for this pregnancy and how I feel about everything. After he listened to me finish everything I needed to say, he began to explain things that my last OB never took the time to. He explained that the PICC line will really only be beneficial if I am still losing weight at my next appointment. I gained 2lbs since my last appointment, which he said is impressive with me in the state that I’m in. That shows that I am absorbing what I am able to eat though, and so at this point a PICC line isnt imperative. I will, however, need to be going in about three times a week for IV fluid treatments. This will hopefully take the edge off of the days in between treatments as well as keep me from becoming too dehydrated. He told me that medicaid doesnt cover a zofran pump, but that if it came down to it that he would give me a PICC and we’d get the help we need.

Dustin also explained that the baby isnt being harmed by all of my throwing up. He said that as of right now, the baby is stealing everything it needs from me and from my “reserves” in fat and such. The baby wont need much more calories or anything until I am farther along, so now I can relax a bit from thinking I am hurting it and just take care of myself. He told me that right now its important that I just eat what I can, when I can because he understands how difficult even that can be sometimes. He didnt suggest any dumb natural remedies because he UNDERSTANDS that wont help! It was such a relief for him not to push ginger on me or hassle me about dry toast. I just need to do my own thing, and he gets that. We then listened to the baby’s heartbeat which was in the 160’s and then he wrote me a script for zofran (that I later dropped off at a pharmacy to STILL HAVE ISSUES WITH PRIOR AUTH!!! Damned medicaid is killing me, I am so fucking tired of them!)

Anyways, before I left he discussed a few other things that I had on my mind and then finally sent me over t0 the hospital for some lab work. He wanted to run some blood tests just to check some possible causes of demise with Riley. He said that everything on her autopsy came back normal and that it was obviously a placental abruption that cased her to pass, but he said that a blood disease, lupas or another issue might have played a part in it. This is obviously just another step so that we can rule out more causes of death and not finding anything wrong would be a great thing, even if it would make it harder to deal with still. I cant believe something like that could just happen, but if there isnt a cause, then so be it. I’m just that part of the statistic.

Things left off great with Dustin, I am happy to finally have been heard. Now all I can do is take care of myself like I have been doing and trust that if it gets any worse, he will take the steps needed to take care of me and my baby. Even if I am just going to have to be sick this entire time again, I know it will be worth it since this time Baby is coming home with me. This time, I get to be a mommy.

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holiday blues, already. November 25, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings — shinkmama @ 4:15 pm

I dropped off my medications on Tuesday before I ran completely out of my zofran. Oh my Lord, I did NOT realize how much zofran helps until I didnt, DONT, have it. I was given my promethazine and some suppositories that I know for a fact dont help me but my zofran was YET AGAIN needing reauthorized before I could get it. I didnt find this out until yesterday when I went to pick it up and I spent the entire afternoon calling everyone everywhere that I could to try and get this before the freaking holiday! The insurance company tells me to call my doctor, who tells me to call the pharmacy, who tells me to call my insurance….its just a fucking never ending cycle that just pisses me 0ff to the max!!!!!!!! The insurance finally just gave me 3 pills for free and told me that they still need to wait on something from my doctor till I can get more….THREE FUCKING PILLS until Monday. They arent even the dissolvable kind so its like, pointless! My doctor could care less since I’m basically not their problem anymore. Told me go to the ER if its “really” that bad. I spent all of last night cryingΒ  my eyes out. I was SOOOOO looking forward to Thanksgiving today, and now I’m left with no pills, no help, I am pretty much dreading it.

 

I BLEW UP!! November 22, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — shinkmama @ 4:11 am

This morning, I woke up with a tiny little bump where my abs used to be! hahah it was just a bloated looking belly, but its hard and I can officially no longer “suck it in.” I know it’s soon, but I’m so tiny right now that I’m not surprised really…I am ready for a real big bump now! I hear everything happens a little sooner with subsequent pregnancies. That excited me sooooo much because I am already so ready to have this baby. I want to feel it kick already! I want to feel those hiccups and punches to the ribs..I cant wait to find out what this bug is and start getting completely ready for their arrival!!

This bug just gave me a bit more of a purpose…gave me reasons to wake up and reasons to better my life. I cant wait to meet you, bug. I love you so much already. annnnd here is the tummy! what a difference in only a week?!!!!!!

 

 

Its been a while… November 20, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings,Updates — shinkmama @ 10:09 pm

since my last post. Lots has gone on, with my hyperemesis still ruling my life. I was admitted into the ER at one point before my scheduled doctor visit on November 11th, given medicine to stop my vomiting and IV fluids because I am always dehydrated. When the 11th finally came, I found out I was meeting with yet another doctor I hadn’t met before.. Jim and Linda went with me and we were all thrilled to see the baby on the ultrasound, waving and kickin like crazy πŸ™‚ The tech told us she couldnt see anymore bleeds in my uterus and that the baby’s heartbeat was a strong 176. I know its just an old wives tale, but that high of a heartbeat was the first time I considered the possibility that this could be a girl haha. Well, after the ultrasound, we finally met the new doctor and she went over a few things with us.

Here are a few pictures from the ultrasound πŸ™‚

First of all, she told me that even though I started this pregnancy off at 121 lbs and now weight 108 lbs, the fact that I cant eat or drink anything unless I want it coming back up and even though I am giving myself black eyes and going crazy trying to keep myself and baby healthy that at-home care was still unnecessary. She said the risks of a PICC line outweighed the benefits it could provide to me….benefits like nutrients to me and my unborn child, hydration when I most definitely always need it and saving my veins from becoming a horrendously torn apart mess. I was so distraught, how could she not want to help me?! She did finally suggest that I go into the hospital three times a week for IV treatments. Thats great, but what about the other four days I am sick!?

Secondly, the doctor vaguely explained something about fetal nuchal translucency.Β  She said that in the weeks 11-14 you can get the baby scanned to check for downs and turners syndrome and suggested that already being high risk that we schedule a date get that done. We did with Riley as well, I mean, it would just be nice to know and prepare in case something were to be different. Jim and I discussed what would happen ifΒ  something were to be wrong and there is no doubt in our minds that we wouldnt love and cherish our child. Losing a child was the hardest thing in the entire world…taking care of a child that needed more attention would be a BLESSING compared to what could happen. We both truly feel like God is taking care of us and our little angle is keeping a close eye as well.

The doctor wanted me to go over to the hospital and have labs drawn. I was only done doing that for five minutes when that doctor called me back and said that they have a room for me at St. Lukes, that I would have to be hospitalized. I was really upset, I hate staying at the hospital. It directly goes back to why the hell should I not be allowed home care if I am constantly in the ER or being hospitalized?! When I got to the hospital, I was poked 5 times before they got a good vein and even that one had to be moved after that vein exploded. Unfortunately, the OBGYN Associates doctors work on call at St. Luke’s so when they would want to do anything for me, they would ask them…UGH!!! I was in so much pain and utter frustration that I couldnt help but discharge myself as soon as everything was manageable from home.Β  The picture below shows the after math of what my poor forearm had to take. THAT IS FROM IV’s!!!! DO I STILL NOT NEED A PICC?!

I saw YET ANOTHER doctor on the 18th who told me that she has a “proven cure” for hyperemesis. I just about laughed in her face when she told me that all there was to it was keeping your stomach full at all times, not drinking water, taking the same medicine that is already failing me and ginger?!?! HOLY SHIT, did that doctor just sound like she was the most uninformed person in the world. If she knew ANYTHING about hyperemesis, she would know that it is impossible for me to have my stomach full at ANY time, let alone all the time. She’s know that ginger makes me gag and brings on my sickness because that is a trigger for my gagging…people can have different triggers and I just seem to have all of em. I’m just so freaking sick of people thinking that this is morning sickness or that it will let up or go away eventually. I pray for that everyday but it is not going to happen until I pop this kid out! So that appointment was nearly pointless, except to find out that I have kept on a steady 108 lbs for a week now and I did get to hear that heartbeat again πŸ™‚ 170, still high and strong and music to mommy’s ears πŸ™‚ I am so in love with you, little bug.

 

I have a weight check and nurse visit next week right before the holidays and then I see the new doctor on the 30th!!!!!!!!! I am beyond ecstatic to see the Hughes’, I really just have such high expectations for them. Hopefully between now and then I can gain a pound or fifteen haha I do have two Thanksgiving dinners to go to so it could happen!! πŸ™‚

 

 

Unemployed November 2, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings,Updates — shinkmama @ 7:38 am

Well, I guess we all knew this was coming sooner than later. How could I keep my job and never go? I’m not as upset as I thought I would be being “unemployed” but I am rather upset to be leaving it all on Jim. I know, I know…We have made it before and he wont mind, he doesnt mind. That doesnt mean that I dont feel some guilt. I will be working on my photography and school more frequently now though, and both of those can bring me in some income if I just DO IT!!! I am happy to not have to struggle into work anymore. I can relax, take the time that I always need to get well during the day and take care of my little Bugger.

I called my general practitioner today and had her send over a referral to a high risk doctor named Juliet Hughes. I have heard wonderful wonderful things about this woman and her husband (who run an OB/GYN together) and cannot wait until she is in charge of what goes on for me and Bug. I know she will take care of us and make me feel comfortable when I am scared. Unlike the doctors that I currently have, who have never really been there for me. My current OB, who I wont name only so she isnt thoroughly embarrassed if she ever comes across this, is horrible. The entire practice treats you like a number and if you arent through the line quickly enough then your number is pushed back.

With my last pregnancy, my doctor didnt even deliver Riley. All the medical personnel who was supposed to be there decided that the on-call staff could handle me since it wanst a live birth, I guess. No one discussed options with me, no one was compassionate about my wants for the birth and it seemed like hardly any one cared that I was at the deepest part of hell I could get find. This pregnancy, they have given me little reason to believe that they ever cared at all. They do not care to comfort me, never did really. Sure, I am getting alright care, but only because I am absolutely demanding it this time. I have shown up for nearly every appointment only to have to wait forever, be quickly passed through the office and then out the door with questions that I forgot to ask…..

And God FORBID that you have to call the after hours emergency line!! Oh, God, was that a mistake. I have been calling the pharmacy and my doctor back and forth, back and forth, BACK AND FORTH trying to get my medication to go through! The damned doctors kept forgetting to send in a complete pre-authorization and now apparently my freaking insurance has to accept it still, which could take days. I am just so frustrated that they didnt do it right the first time, so I have to suffer. Well, I decide to call the after hours line to see what I should do (meaning, do I go into the ER or just drink a bunch of water, because I AM dehydrated) and the doctor got super pissy telling me this line was for emergencies!!! I started balling and yelling really, before I just hung up. I really hope that this will just all be fixed when I finally see Juliet. Well, I guess its about time to hit the hay….I will update more when I am not falling asleep at the keys πŸ™‚

 

ggrrrrrrrooowll (says my tummy) November 1, 2010

Filed under: Ramblings — shinkmama @ 6:00 am
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I have never wanted a McDouble or Big Mac as badly as I do right now 😦 That is all I would like to say.